Gone Till November

It's funny how the simple act of clicking down the font-drop down and selecting Veranda stops me in my tracks for a second. Six months on and the emotions are still largely the same, though they're a lot more content to live with themselves than they used to be. It must be that whole sand of time thing; sand-paper of time that is, wearing down the sharp edges with a little more fourth dimensional distance from what you're looking at.

Things are good -- except the things that aren't, of course. Those are important though, so they can be however they'd like to be. It's a little like attempting to separate the concept of consciousness when studying Kant in a college philosophy course. I loved college philosophy. At least the classes where you had already weeded out the kids that started answers with something moronic like "I feel like...". The logician's obstacle course was more fun for me than most; I appreciated that -- being at home.

Just came back quickly today for a little free write I suppose. A lot of things clouding my never empty head. No one reads this space any more. That's ok.

A little while back the sun of epiphany burned of a little of that Santa Monica marine layer that was making it hard to see the Pacific through the sea of plaid. Something like that. Most things got much better with that sense of effortless momentum you felt when you took those first few solo rides on your bicycle sans-training wheels. Like the safety net itself had been a hindrance to your real down-hill speed abilities. Mom was still ready with band-aids though. You know your knees have scars from it.

Neither here nor there. I've figured a lot of it out. Some things still hurt -- most don't. Honesty and forgiveness are two uniquely wonderful human traits. There is a lot of faith involved when you think they're in the room. They never announce themselves when they leave you know. Call me naive but I believe it when she says they're here. The rest of it is all such a distraction. That can be dumb -- I never aspired to be smart.

One thing I am very happy to still know: I am very much in love.

I have a feeling I'll be back soon.


-I Heart Palindromes

patience, forgiveness,
Irish pride. Now, why would I
settle for any less?

(null set)

Retired Words
Gorgeous and stunning.
Perfection and favorite.
You will remain hers.

-BRM3 

Mr. Market

Annualized 
Short Vega is much
like the yen carry. It works
until it doesn't.

Jimmy C. 
Catch the falling knife,
in the after-hours trade.
Booyah I scream.

Technical vs. Fundamental 
The chartists agree;
there is no optimal scale.
What feels right? It's wrong.

Deep Value 
Look out B. Graham, 
many fortunes read only:
B.K. de-list now.

Pre-Decimal 
You can carbon date
a trader by the shoe size
to a drill bit line.   

Word, 

-I Heart Palindromes

Sunday Reflections

There is no better metaphor for living in Los Angeles than what I witnessed last night on the 405: an asian woman, on her cell phone, with her hazard lights on, driving in the middle of two lanes of traffic, fifteen miles per hour below the posted speed limit. Yep, that about sums up the personality of the southern half of this state.

It isn't all bad. As I write this I am mentally preparing for my Sunday stretch run as the weather here has allowed me to dellude myself into thinking that I'm going to run a marathon. I have 176 miles under my belt in the past two months -- time flies. I never thought I would be one of those people that employed the impressive scale within the GPS technology niche to know such statistics. Alas, the pacific ocean does weird things to people. I actually know what gluten-free means, the odds were stacked fairly heavily against that. I can't help but take that with me when I leave.

So, my golf game is much improved, which is nice. I haven't spent 60 hours of a week in the office for about two months, which is a record.  I spent my weekend downloading new music; I pride myself on my ability to source good new music. It's the hipster that lives deep-deep inside me I suppose. I am made oddly happy that my iPod now includes six new bands I had never heard of when I woke up yesterday. Authenticity and all that. I need something to balance out all the Marky-Mark I've got on there. What? He's a musical genius. Probably a non-descript genius as well. These are facts.

I want to be sitting outside at Martha's with Boondock surrounded by pups and house-wives right now. I will settle for excruciating pain as I run in slow motion along the pacific instead. Word.

I Heart Palindromes (Philosophy Major)
It's like that moment where you come to a stop
on the train tracks. No train for miles but you can't
help but feel a twinge of panic, a sense of palpable risk.
At one moment or another you realize that life is,
to a great extent, risk.
That's why evolution wired us that way.
We were built for this.

I Heart Palindromes (Finance Major)
You can manage your Delta but no one can account
for Vega. There's no underlying you can hedge
that out with. That isn't normally distributed either,
there's some ugly negative skew in Vega, if you forget that
your spread disappears. Nickles in front of a steam-roller,
they say. Knowing that makes all the difference.
Because I have a natural position; in me.

-I Heart Palindromes

Friend! Part Trois

What can I say, when it rains it pours:

So I got pulled over for the 3^rd time for my lack of inspection today. However, this time I’m within the 15 day rejection window. I was stopped by a motorcycle cop on I-64 on my  way back into work (Stu your Bav Auto parts are at the house by the way). The trooper pulls me over on an uphill highway exit:

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over

The General: Inspection

Cop: Yes, why isn’t you car inspected?

The General: It was, but it was rejected

Cop: Where is your rejection sticker?

The General: hands Cop rejection sticker

Cop: Why isn’t this on your windshield

The General: It fell off. I am within the 15 day window

Cop looks at sticker

Cop: It says you were rejected for brakes. Do you think its safe

to drive a car without good functioning brakes?

The General: Officer my brakes are fine, it failed for a loose drivers side parking brake cable.

Cop: So your parking brake doesn’t work?

The General: No it does, there is one on each side of the car, one side is loose that’s all. The other side works great.

Cop: So your parking brake isn’t functioning…

The General: Sir, with all due respect if my parking brake wasn’t functioning my car would have rolled down this hill and over your motorcycle by now.

Cop: (chuckles) You know you might have a point there. Please get your car inspected soon. Have a nice day. 

Word,

-I Heart Palindromes

Friend! Part Deux

What is below came across my wire courtesy of The General. My favorite part would, of course, be the practical advice given about how to respond to a Goose attack, which sounds oddly similar to how to respond to a Bear attack. This is a little bird-hate shout-out.

Within the last week or so we have had reports of geese on the property attacking people as they leave or enter the building.  As a reminder we are  requesting the wildlife on site no longer be fed by ANYONE.

Geese have adapted to the ponds and maintained lawns in our area which has unfortunately placed employees and geese in close proximity to one another.  This is especially apparent now (the spring season) when geese are aggressively defending their nesting territories. 

When fed by humans, geese tend to lose their natural fear of people.  This lack of fear often leads to more violent attacks during the spring season.  In addition, when geese lose their fear they begin to nest close to areas that people frequent such as buildings, flower beds, parking lots, etc which has occurred on our site. 

In order to prevent anymore attacks to employees everyone MUST STOP FEEDING geese ASAP.  This request is being made to safeguard the health and safety of everyone located at the West mark campus.

WHAT TO DO IF A GOOSE ATTACKS

• Maintain direct eye contact and keep your chest and face pointed at the goose
• If the goose acts aggressively, calmly and slowly back away, watching for obstacles
• Maintain a neutral demeanor, try not to act hostile or show fear

We appreciate everyone’s cooperation as we try to deter the geese from the property.

 Be safe out there,


-I Heart Palindromes

Lost In Translation

I have a new favorite holding company:

Thank you broker spam e-mails for making my Monday AM.

Word,

-I Heart Palindromes

Haiku Part Cinq

Sunny weekend -- missing a partner in crime but making the most of it. I am becoming disturbed at how tan I am. This is not how I Heart Palindromes is supposed to look. I suppose there are worse arrows of fate one could suffer. Craving a Sunday bar date with Boondock. I'll settle for a hamburger with the Cubs on TV. Oh, and Haiku.


Saved By The Bell
Screech was a stalker.
Somehow it was endearing.
Not so much now though.


Dinosaurs
Likely the apex
of modern society.
Animatronics!


GUTS
Agro-crag dreams and
glitter explosions. Somehow
it was topical.


Hey Dude
You can carbon-date the
the writing because the rich
girl* was from Detroit.

*for those that don't recall; her name was Brad.

Hey Dude (2) 
New Yorker freaks out,
buys a dude ranch? I don't know,
odds were on a Porche.

Alf
Can you really watch
this without thinking about
the midget in there?

Not my best work, getting back into the swing of it. Almost there.


Word,


-I Heart Palindromes

Friend!

An excerpt from an e-mail entitled "BULL RIDING". Yes, this is par for the course with my friends:

Getting drunk is awesome.  Riding a bull is more awesome.  That's why I will spend one weekend going to the Wicked R Bull riding training class on May 7th and 8th.  It is a mere 2 hours away in Wyoming, Delaware.  The two-day class features safety tips and riding techniques.  The first day starts with a mechanical bull and moves on to a "beginner" bull.  The second day gives us the chance to go eight seconds on a real bull.  Fuck. Yes.

Saturday night is spent in the cowboy bunkhouse and includes a barbeque/bonfire.  Are you ready?  Let's do this.

Yeefuckinghaw,
 

The Hammer

http://www.wickedr.com/

Word,

-I Heart Palindromes 

Finance Dork

File under: things that only Boondock ever found interesting or entertaining about me. In reality, my life changed the first time I ever set foot on the floor of the Chicago Board of Trade. All those childhood dreams of being the next Ryne Sandburg sank pretty quickly in the rushing river of tickers and bids and offers. Those aren't bids and asks, that equity-only stuff. It's bid or offered. I don't ask you a price, I offer you a price and I don't take your ask, I take your offer. Sorry E*Trade baby, I'm a stickler for such parlance accuracy.

It's like the first time you ever got to count P&L in millions. That's when the director of our non-taxable desk told me to always remember that it's "just a job... and not your money", though I think he really meant those in inverse order of importance. Leave it to the guy in muni-land (the most retail focused of all market segments) to hold that view. At least the Harvard MBAs at Goldman Sachs really only mess with other lesser Harvard MBAs running large multi-national organizations. That whole Wall Street vs. Mainstreet sham only really exists in the land of punditry. It's much more Wall Street vs. Wall Street. The guys that hurt individual investors don't work in midtown, they're wealth managers and mid-tier brokers in CT or NJ that invest retail money in things they barely understand, not to mention their client's. Investment bankers are immoral and have agency issues, the latter group of guys are criminals and have competency issues. There is a difference between those two predicaments.

As for me, I've been lucky to always be on the buy side where I had no conflicts. I wanted to make money on every investment idea just as much for myself as for the clients whose money was being pushed around by some 20-something who spent his weekends with his head in CFA books instead of playing beer-pong in Alphabet-City. It worked out reasonably well. I covered financials in 2006-2009. Heck of a time to cut your teeth. Dinosaur quality by SPX: 666.

I'm told that I'm young yet, which is true by most measures. I've packed a lot into the last six years though. Figuring out what it all adds up to may be more a shell game at the moment. I have a lot left to do and a new appreciation for time. In any event, I'm at least in the right field and finding my way back to the exact right position in that field. It's like the first time you ever put a full-sized position on based on your work alone. Suddenly you dream in tick-values and it takes you a good week before you can do anything other than stare at the jacked excel spreadsheet you built in an effort to track your overall P&L for the fund. Eventually you calm down and just try to work harder and smarter than the other average looking white dudes who also know anyone who speaks on CNBC is either talking their book (the smart ones) or a self-aggrandizing laughing stock (the Jim Cramer syndrome).

I like it here. I'm better at this than most other things. I'm good with that. It isn't enough to sustain me in isolation but that is hard fought lesson I'm keeping with me.

-I Heart Palindromes

Dear John

Dear Western Europe,

You are an economy that has been in secular decline since the 1800's. You have a stagnant private sector and a shrinking tax-base. You protest budget cuts with riots that force police over-time and damage property that tax coffers pay to preserve and repair. You protest the rationalization of legacy benefits tied to a great and expanding empire to the languishing Republics that now comprise you. You will have budget cuts. You will have entitlement cuts. You will have higher unemployment. You will face higher taxes. You will be forced to cope with the emigration of your most educated and talented. I am sorry Western Europe, you will go the way of all bankrupt soverigns. No matter how historically wealthy, the world will find a conservator for you that will manage your wind-down and sale. So stop throwing trash cans through the windows of the very legitimate institutions that are leaving you behind for growth elsewhere; it just makes you look like spoiled children. Which you are.

Sincerely,

The growing developed world.

-I Heart Palindromes

Skip to my...

Really man? Deutsche? What kind of deal flow were you going to get there?! You might as well have bugged the local Schwab retail brokerage office.

http://www.cnbc.com/id/42273000/

Skeptically,

-I Heart Palindromes

Subtleties

Courtesy of The General.

 

Word,

-I Heart Palindromes

 

Dino B: Apatosaurus Who?

I guess I feel a little like the Brontosaurus did when he found out, I'm sure much to his dismay, that he was not in fact... real; generally confused, a little worried, somewhat curious as to who this Apatosaurus bloke was. In Microsoft Office, if you type Apatosaurus it will automatically attempt to correct you to Brontosaurus. I think that qualifies for a level of nerd-humor beyond my own capacity for appreciation of nerd-humor. That is saying something.

In any event, I may feel off, I may feel lost, I may have absolutely no idea what to reach out for anymore (other than odd Dinosaur metaphors, naturally), but I can certainly still write Haiku. I've said it before and I'll reiterate it for my own sake again: there wouldn't be a whole lot left of value if I ever lose my sense of humor. I can at least tether myself to that. Today, some broad market musings.

Chipotle Mexican Grill (CMG)
Go go gadget growth.
Remember, burritos won't
sell to Chinamen.

Magnatar*
Short the CDO.
The one we told Goldman to
fill with "toxic junk".

*This might be a little esoteric for my ranting blog but the fact that no major news outlet has yet highlighted the fact that what paper ended up in a particular CDO was almost always selected and/or approved by the party looking to be short the equity is still staggering to me. Poor insurance and pension funds on the other side just wanted a little more yield and a better duration match to their liabilities. Hefty price to pay.


Sell Side vs. Buy Side 
The former is a
bad joke that the latter is
too good at telling.  

BNP
Anything a French
quant can sell today. GS
will buy tomorrow. 

XAU
Not quite the Midas
touch, when the whole world finds out:
fungible is king.

PIMCO
No bid for the front 
end of the curve, just talking 
your ginormous book.

PIMCO (2)
Does this mean that Bill 
will now be shinning Black
Rock's brand new dress shoes?

Mr. Market
The sky is falling.
I say just close your eyes and
bid the Spoos. Trust me. 

Weak sauce, sorry, head is either in the clouds or in the sand. Let me know if you know which one.

-I Heart Palindromes 

 

Heading Due North

I am here to provide a general update on my moral compass.

1) Jokes about the nuclear disaster in Japan are acceptable.
2) Jokes about Knut the polar bear are in poor taste.

That is all.

Word,

-I Heart Palindromes

Story. ofmylife.

Los Angeles Hipsters: 1
I Heart Palindromes: 0

Word,


-I Heart Palindromes

post-script: Rawr.

Paging Passenger I Heart Palindromes

This is a wrap-up post to note that what fills this space is likely to be limited for a bit. Work, travel and life are about to get very very busy (by design). My core motivation for talking to the inter-web is still very much there but less productive than before. I will come back when I have something really funny and original to say; I think we both know the odds of that coming to pass on a regular basis.

Distance erodes
what was otherwise perfect.
Lost time-zone roulette.


Bid and offer it
below and above the strike.
hold your breath 'til fill.


Word,


-I Heart Palindromes

That Dog Won't Hunt

Really? This is what you went for when you all sat around and decided what you were going to name your hedge fund? These guys must be southern or something. Sniffing out those deep-value plays. I really hope that the dog with the bulls-eye also made it onto your business cards. I miss the cloistered days when you had to understand Greek mythology in order to figure out what the heck the name of a hedge fund stood for. After the Tiger cubs played-out every Tiger-iteration possible, it was all downhill.


note to self: e-mail Chase Coleman and suggest Vampire Tiger for his next macro fund. That could win me some points.

I've always enjoyed the play-on-words tendencies of finance-geeks such as myself. Like the fact that the bar at the CBOT used to be called "The Trader's Inn", though it changed its name to "Ceres" (the Greek goddess of grain -- acceptable). Or the fact that my first (and-to-be-fifth) employer's sub-prime CDO business was named after the slums of ancient Rome. Too cute.

Perhaps I'm just a bit edgy today (you can ignore the perhaps) but the idea of allocating money to a bunch of guys who want a blood-hound to be the summation of their investment acumen is a bit of a stretch for me.

CBOT
Traders, runners, props,
locals, market makers and
brokers. This is home.

ICE
Based in Atlanta?
When milliseconds matter?
That dog will not hunt.

-Dino B

Old Dog Old Tricks

It can be strange at times how competency can almost sneak up on you. I spent a good chunk of my day yesterday walking back through loan-loss provisions at mid-Atlantic community banks. I was genuinely surprised at how quickly all of that came back to me. If you don't see this as notable, pull up an income statement for a bank, or try to comprehend a balance sheet for a bulge-bracket broker. Good luck. Ruining my life for three winters/springs in the name of the CFA turned out to be worth it I suppose. I don't think I actually believe that but I certainly have to pretend.

While the last eighteen months have been a mixed bag (read: less than stellar) for my career, no one can take away what I've already managed to cram into my head. It's like that moment in a meeting with a consultant when you realize that they have absolutely no clue how to obtain a set of quotes for a SWAP (or why GS happens to be point away from C). Or the moment where I realized that the Stanford Ph.D. portfolio manager across from me had no idea how a holding company was structured and why it mattered. I've traded domestic and foreign equities, listed and OTC futures and forwards, listed and OTC options; I know how these things quote, expire, and settle. I have put on trades for both fundamental and technical reasons. I understand how market-makers never go broke. I've modeled private equity transactions that involved warrants and trust preferred securities with step-up triggers. I can delta-hedge an options portfolio without fucking up the dividends part within the basket of equities. I have had one short get bought. I have had more than one long get bought. I know what the skew of volatility is and why it's the only thing that matters; I have my own personal theories on why the volatility of volatility matters and the reasons I love asset-classes that have no arbitrage-able underlying. I can talk to a floor trader, analyst, portfolio manager or homeless man easier than I can talk to an investment banker because I actually understand how they get paid. I know what it means to have a trade DK'd and I also know what four-letter words you use on the phone with the executing broker when it happens (answer: all of them... and some you've made up on the fly). I didn't read about these things I learned them in doing. I am happy about this.

Thank you for being subjected to my pep-talk, my largest cheerleader who usually fills this role ahead of important events can't this time around. I'll have to be self-sufficient with my ego-stroking.

With that out of the way, I'll get two of these out before I hit the road:


CBOT
Bloody Bull at five.
Delta zero over night.
In between is life.


Russell Indexes (CRS)
Finance geek at heart.
She always sells herself short.
Knows more than she knows.


Wow, I just worked a finance pun into my Haiku. I don't even know what to say.


Word,


-I Heart Palindromes
 

Haiku Part Quatre

Yes, I realize that Haiku are supposed to have allusions to nature. No, I don't care. Tony Danza > Mother Nature. That is an unadulterated fact.

Note to self: edit Tony Danza wikipedia article this afternoon.

With a lot more attention being paid to work as of late, I feel a continuation of the finance theme coming on. I recall when the CFA and being an analyst dominated my life; I may be headed back that way sans Boondock to balance it out. Oh let's be honest, she's still managing that. At least I didn't memorize all those tickers for nothing. I'm going to get this out before heading to the CMG for lunch. The one next to the SBUX down the street from the MCD where I usually pick up my NYT in the AM unless they have the WPO at the WAG.

Piper Jaffray
When you made the league
tables, we all should have known
the ride was over.

Piper Jaffray (2)
At least you have the
Minneapolis market
cornered. Am I right?

Citadel
No money made in
converts since ninety-seven.
Asian arb rescues.

BNP
Those crazy frenchmen
will write a SWAP on Harry
Potter if you ask.

Barclays
You stand alone sir.
Who knew tangible book could
really go negative?!

Barclays (2)
Sell the ETF
business already. It's
not cute anymore

Bear Stearns
Always remember.
It's just a job and it's not
your money. Right Cayne?

Word,

-I Heart Palindromes