Glitter is the Herpes of Craft Supplies

When I think of glitter (which we all know happens with alarming frequency) I primarily think of two things:

1)  The exact moment at which Mariah Carey's career peaked (sorry The Hammer).

2)  The glitter-ridden center piece of the most amazing Nickelodeon creation of my youth... The Aggro Crag

For those of you that had the misfortune of attending undergrad with me, you are likely no stranger to my preoccupation with the latter.  You are also likely familiar with The Hammer's preoccupation with the former but we will leave that minefield for another post.  There is something uniquely epic (see Encyclopedia Britannica entry: George Washington) about a giant plastic mountain being built on a TV show set in southern California, specifically designed to hurl foam, spew fog, and dispense glitter with a ferocity that can only be rivaled by certain establishments on North Halsted in Chicago.

The compelling dynamic of this show was absolutely undeniable.  For starters, there were almost always two boy contestants and one girl contestant.  The powers that be at Nickelodeon made sure that they would select two twelve-year-old boys and one almost thirteen-year-old girl.  This would, of course, ensure that the girl would have at least a seven inch height advantage.  While there were other distractions on the show that involved a frankly disturbing amount of astro-turf and rope, the Aggro Crag was the only real attraction.  It was where the men were seperated from the unfairly-late-in-their-development girls.  The sheer elation or obvious dejection of the contestant upon reaching or failing to reach the summit is likely the pinnacle of any television drama not involving Sam Waterston.

As an aside:  I believe that I just became the first person in the history of the interweb to successfully reference Mariah Carey, The Aggro Crag, and Jack McCoy in a logical progression.  Word.

Returning to my incredibly salient point:  the Aggro Crag was incredible.  The death-defying (glitter and foam is the third leading cause of death among twelve year old's while on a TV show set, on a Wednesday, in 1997... while the moon is in retro-grade) effort of the prevailing contestant would be justly rewarded with an actual glowing piece of the mountain itself.  People who aren't making the obvious allusion to the propensity of US soldiers to take souvenirs from the Axis soldiers that they killed in World War II clearly don't understand the sophisticated depth of GUTS. 

In college I dragged my then girlfriend into a search for a willing seller of this preeminent trophy.  At the beginning of each GUTS episode they would introduce the contestants by first and last name.  This gave us the ability to Google and facebook stalk the heck out of them (when I say us, I really mean my then girlfriend, whose stalking skills were rather developed... this would later prove detrimental to our relationship).  I actually had her send one of the people we tracked down a facebook message. My logic was that a subtle hello from an attractive 19-year-old girl would be preferable to a threatening e-mail from me.

Clearly the search proved futile, or this blog would consist solely of pictures of me and my piece of the Aggro Crag travelling the globe.

On that note, I am going to get back to trading hundreds of millions of dollars in US options and futures as Mr. Market has been open a little over an hour.  I am sure our clients would understand that this was simply more pressing.

-I Heart Palindromes